Serendipity in Steamy Steamboat Springs
Inspired, Joe and I and some good friends pack up the cars with our float tubes, but when we drive over to the drop-off spot there are no open parking spaces. Evidently we weren't the only ones with this brilliant idea.
Joe and another driver leave to take one of our vehicles to the end of the route, and they ask us to hold a space for our returning car if one opens up. While we wait, one hopeful vehicle after another cruises the lot. Suddenly a car pulls out, and before we can make a dash to claim the empty space, a pick-up truck flies in from out of nowhere and takes the spot.
I suspect that the only way we will secure parking is if someone leaves at precisely the same moment that Joe returns. I toss my desire for this outcome out to “the heavens” but figure the odds are unlikely. Neither can I see myself successfully fending off the motivated competition should a spot open early. “Ya want some of this? Come and take it!” I’m real fierce when it comes to competition (and if you believe that, I have some oceanside property to sell you off the coast of North Dakota).
One might think this was merely a coincidence, but it happens again when Joe and I meet friends for dinner the next night.
We arrive downtown and the city is filled with people who are going to the evening rodeo. Many others are gathering to attend the art fair and hot air balloon festival the next day. Over-stimulated, cranky tourists abound.
We look for a spot to park and see a woman getting into her car. We ask if she is leaving. She is. We ask if she could wait to pull out until we can turn our car around. She does…and we get a parking spot right in front of the restaurant. When our friends arrive, one of them tells us she had to drive almost almost four blocks back to her home to find a parking place. (Joe and I sneak a look at each other. Something is happening.)
Then during dinner, we chat up our very busy waiter. He is a lot of fun and we are all enjoying the exchange. He tells us he just loves our table. He appreciates our joy factor and our willingness to roll with the unexpected; and when the bill comes, he tells us not to leave because he has a surprise for us. He then returns moments later with five plates of Tiramisu on the house.
This isn’t the only meal magic that occurs. Another evening, we call to reserve an outside table at a popular restaurant only to learn they don’t take reservations for the patio. We feel lucky and play the odds, but when we arrive we are told it will be a 60 minute wait. While we are considering our options, a table opens up on the patio. Joe asks if we can have it and we are seated immediately. (I’m now sensing a definite trend.)
Finally, when it is time to move to our next vacation rental, we stop by the new place early, hoping to leave our car there for the day and return at check-in time. The front desk tells us (surprise surprise) our room is ready - 6 hours early - during the busiest week of the season! This means we can get our food and my guitar out of the hot car and enjoy a cool respite out of the mid-day sun.
Doubting Thomas or Worthy Wallace?
I admit doubting does slow down the delivery speed of my desirables, and meddling can mess things up. If I don’t think I deserve something, I can delay it indefinitely or derail it completely, but when I allow with total trust, what I need seems to arrive exactly when I need it in whatever way is most perfect.
“This is crazy,” says my mind. (Shut up. Believe.) “But…” (Shhhhhh….) “Oh, come on! You can’t be serious!” (SHHHHHHH! I’m not LIStenING...) “I’m only trying to protect you!” (La la la la la…I can’t hear you. La la la. Oooh, time to feed the unicorn.)
It is a love hate relationship I have with my mind, rather like two siblings squabbling in the back seat of a car: “He’s on my side of the car.” “She’s touching me!” (Poke Poke Wheedle Wheedle Wheedle.) If you ever watched the Angry Beavers on Nickelodeon and were lucky enough to catch the famous “Wheedle Episode,” you know exactly what I’m talking about.
To build my trust, I must ignore my mind’s incessant badgering. This is a tricky little dance. Unlike going to the gym, successful repetitions do not always ensure increased abilities. I can be on a roll, receiving one great creation after another, and with one moment of weakness, the doubt will come screaming back in. Yet with each success, I am discovering how the very act of trusting brings back my joy and greases the delivery system.
Remember when you were 7 years old and the day seemed endless, and you could just go swing on the swings and play in the mud. You knew your mom would feed you when you were hungry. You didn’t need a plan. You just were present and life gave you presents (like lunch and lemonade). All your needs were met. It was GREAT! I hope your childhood was filled with just such experiences.
When I was a kid, I knew how to trust. I believed that what I needed would be there. I knew I deserved to receive it, and I didn’t have to figure out all the details in order to get it. I don’t know very many people that live that way after the age of, say, 8. I sure didn’t. At some point I figured I had to grow up and become a dutiful workaholic. Thus ended the magic.
My son and I call this routine “adulting,” which basically means doing all the things you don’t want to do but figure you must do if you are going to eat and have a roof over your head. I think life would be waaaaay better if one didn’t have to “Adult.” I think there is a famous book out there somewhere that tells us we must be like little children or we will never enter the kingdom of heaven; but when I suggest living with child-like trust to most people, they give me that pitying look that says folks like me are insufferable dreamers, and perhaps they will deign to visit me in the institution I will someday be forced to reside within…maybe…if they can drag themselves away from all their responsibilities.
But what if I am RIGHT? Doesn’t that same famous book say, “Ask and you shall receive?” What if there is already more than enough simply waiting to come to each one of us, and all we have to do is claim it with grand self-esteem and then allow it to arrive? What if life can be as easy as breathing, and believing, and receiving? I think I am on to something here, so I’ve been experimenting, and I’ve learned it is possible to receive effortlessly, but there are a few prerequisites.
The Recipe for Receiving
I find it helps to say the words out loud and then feel the feeling of having what feels right, leaving room for surprise.
Feeling into the feeling also shows me when a part of me is not on-board with the plan because I can feel the resistance in my body. When the blocks are removed and the energies begin to flow freely inside me, things start to flow to me as well.
Granted, what comes might look a little different than what I expected. Maybe it will be an intermediary step that prepares me in some important way. Let’s say I have to release some old beliefs or patterns before I can have what I want. Then out of the gate, I will likely receive experiences that show me exactly what is standing in my way. Old programming creates barriers. We forget life can be easy. We believe it must be hard, so it is. Such beliefs must go to allow the flow.
Receiving grace doesn’t truly become possible until we have cleared away enough crud that we can actually feel the ease-filled potential as viable. We have to resonate with it on a vibrational level. We must know we deserve it without question. Clearing away the crud is tedious. It requires endurance. It is absolutely necessary.
This leads me to the third requirement: we must be both diligent and patient. Evolution manifests through incremental steps that peel off our past and expand us one magical miracle at a time. Sometimes, what needs to change within us is so epic that transformation must occur slowly if we are to survive the shift.
While we wait for the world to realign to our new vibration, all we can do is continue to match our words and feelings with what we desire. I’ve learned my frequency is the address to which my request is being shipped. If I drift down to a lower vibration and start doubting, I will miss the delivery truck when it arrives. It is my responsibility to cull out any thought or belief that is contradictory and wait patiently for what I am choosing to appear.
A Case Study
Over the past few years, I’ve been releasing beliefs that are limiting my inner freedom, and as a result I’m experiencing a lot more grace in my external creations, but not so internally. When energy flows it often hits a wall inside me, and this resistance has been sabotaging my health and well-being. I want dearly to move past this pattern, but am unsure how to proceed. The block is deep, and even with the progress I’ve made, I am not yet conscious of what is causing the resistance. My clear intent to release it, however, puts things in motion.
One day, after a particularly beautiful manifestation, I develop shooting pains in my lower back and belly. I know right away that my new creation triggered a reaction in my body. Then, not two hours later, Joe shares a related creative idea he has with me, and it touches this very same issue. I feel raw and react, and my reaction is so out of character that it catalyzes me to pay swift attention. By diving down into the pain, I discover I am still angry about an old role I used to play in relationships.
That evening I happen to look at Facebook and I see a post, the very first post on my feed, that triggers yet another wave in me, but this time I don’t react. I am able to stop myself before I get sucked into the story. I turn off Facebook and have a good laugh at myself. Definite progress, but I still haven’t gotten to the core of the issue.
A few weeks later, I hit the motherlode. Several events conspire to create the perfect set-up. I wake up the following morning with a horrible dream. My whole body is in pain. Every old story I have is firing, and of course, I want to project my hurt and rage outward and make it everyone else’s fault. I feel like a victim. I am whiney and needy and grieving and angry as can be. It ain’t pretty. I can’t stem the tide that is washing through me. All I can do is try to stay conscious and witness my feelings.
Amazingly this works, and once I get a foothold back inside my calm core, I receive a stunning epiphany: my physical issues are all about abandonment. I never saw this before! Then I realize that this abandoning wasn’t done to me by anybody else - I abandoned myself - and a part of me is truly pissed off and sick and tired of being judged and denied. If I ever want to trust myself and receive unconditionally, then I must end this war and allow forgiveness. If I can do that then my healing will be inevitable. With humble humor, I see how all my misery, and all the people that were a part of it, served me perfectly. How else would I have recovered this part of me that I had so deeply repressed?
This, my friends, is how the magic happens. You never know exactly where the trail will lead you, but you recognize the scent, and you follow your nose. Sometimes this process brings big epiphanies. Sometimes you need grit and courage to respond to what you are given. Sometimes things look messy, but messy human steps are authentic steps. It is our rawness that awakens us. It is our willingness to walk our talk that lures our dreams down into the imperfection of 3-D reality. It is our trust that calls forth grace.